Every question answered by Spitty Micky
Q1. Have you enjoyed your life so far?
The thing is I haven’t enjoyed it nor have I hated it. For most of what I can remember my life has just felt bland. Looking back is blurry and difficult, it almost feels like at every stage it was just someone else and I’m watching from a third-person perspective, as if somewhere I become disconnected from myself. Although I enjoy things in life, when they are over they are just things that have happened. The same with the bad, when I’ve had periods in life where I have hated it, once they are over they are over and I have virtually no emotional care or opinion on those times. I know they have happened but have no feelings towards or about the things that have happened. In the same way that I know at one point I was two playing with the bubbles in the bath I know I dropped out of uni twice. I know both of those things have happened but have no connection or feelings towards them. It's hard to enjoy something you just don’t care much about. You gain what you put in and when you’ve got little motivation to put much in I guess you only get out little in return.
My father told me once that the key to enjoying life is to have short, medium and long-term plans with the idea that you’d always have something good to look forward to. That way, even if things weren’t going well at least you’ve got good things coming up to balance it out. And I think that’s why I’m feeling pretty good at the moment. For me, I need to be social to enjoy life. If my social needs aren’t met I become reserved and at best glibly nihilistic. However now, I have a lot of reliable socialisation, both short, medium and long-term. So I guess although I haven’t particularly enjoyed my life so far, I am enjoying it now and maybe that’s all that matters.
Q2. Do you like yourself?
I went through a year or so between 20-21 really not liking who I was. I just convinced myself that I was not good. I felt like I was just stuck thinking I was a dick. I was trapped thinking people didn’t enjoy hanging out with me or at least thinking how can I make them like me more. Like a proper sado. I never felt like I cared if I was liked but I guess I did. I remember having it in my head that if I went for a walk and, while on the walk, I somehow internally rectified or changed my personality to be 1% better then I would become crazy good, whatever good meant. And then I just took a week to myself and thought what the fuck am I doing. I was just beating myself up for nothing. I felt so much more relaxed once I stopped just being all angsty and angry at myself. Dropping this anger I had about myself made me like myself much more, no shit right.
Now I’d say I like myself more than I dislike myself, I still need to work on doing things that are going to better my life. I feel like part of liking myself is caring for myself and I do too many things I know aren’t going to help me progress in life at all. I guess I can’t completely and fully like myself until I start caring more for my future self?
Q3. Tell me a story.
One day, poor young Micky was walking to school he had a rock thrown at him by Keith. To Micky’s horror, the rock throwing would continue for some time and with each rock, Micky’s hatred for Keith grew and grew. Disliking life, Micky thought “ life is bad”. After a few months, Micky and Keith were forced to sit next to each other during their ICT class. After getting to know one and other they realised they had more in common than they once thought. With this new friendship came free pancakes for Micky every break time from Keith. Enjoying life, Micky thought “ life is good”. Six years later, now close friends, Micky and Keith were spending most of their evenings up late playing video games. Eventually, Micky used the late-night gaming to distract himself from his residual teenage angst. The angst grew and grew and Micky fell into a state of unhappiness which led to being kicked out of university. Disliking life, Micky thought “ life is bad”. After a summer of reflection, Micky fixed his head and pulled himself together. Giving both him and Keith an opportunity to live with each other. Getting up to all kinds of shenanigans Micky and Keith enjoyed a bloody good year. With late-night poker games, becoming true pub regulars and a shit load of badminton. Although not as much debauchery as Micky and Keith would’ve hoped, the year together was nothing short of a bloody good time. Enjoying life, Micky thought “life is good”. To me, the story is about how things happen in life that can seem bad and make you feel shit even though they can ultimately be for the better. In the moment it can be impossible to see any positives but you never know how things will play out and it’s important to remember that sometimes it needs to be bad before it can become good.
You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.
Q4. What's something you've always wanted to do?
I wanted a PULP tattoo, specifically Common People for the longest time. I was really really into the song and thought there wouldn’t be a time where it wouldn’t be my favourite song. This was during the start of covid so I couldn’t get the tattoo which I’m now glad about. I still enjoy the song but I don’t have as much connection with it as I used to. Although I am happy I didn’t get it if I had gotten it I don’t think I would’ve regretted it. I would’ve just accepted and grown to like it.
Q5. What gives/gave you meaning in life?
I don’t know what gives me meaning. Something must or I would just float away down Porthkerry. I guess I don’t want to waste what I’ve got, to indulge in the things that make me happy. And to have the chance to provide something for someone else. I get a lot of pleasure knowing I might have made someone’s day better by including them in something. So I guess pleasure. The fleeting moments of guilt free pleasure is what gives me meaning.
Q6. What piece of music makes you feel the most?
Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones is the song that makes me feel the most. The song makes me feel bittersweet. I get the sensation that something really good has ended but that it’s okay that it ended. Almost like a good movie or tv show where you’ve grown attached to the characters. The show’s now ended but the characters are happy. My favourite lyric in the song is “ Let’s do some living, after we die”. I always interpreted the lyric as if the song was telling me to go out and live, to do something different and memorable, because of course, after we die and the shows over. The happy-sad feeling I get for 5 minutes 41 seconds makes me feel weightless as if I’m being carried by the song from the start of the livin, to the end of the dyin.
Q7. If the ghost of Christmas past, present or future could visit you this Xmas, which would it be?
This Christmas I would like to be visited by the ghost of Christmas past. There is this one specific childhood Christmas I can vaguely remember. I must have been around 9 ish or something. Me, my dad and my sister all went to my grans’ house for Christmas dinner. My older cousin swore at the dinner table and was sent to her room. She came back down with big sunglasses on to hide her tears. Straight after dinner, it started to snow and we all watched it from the windows.
Since this Christmas, the family have drifted apart and I think it might be interesting to go back and be reminded as to how and what we all felt for each other. I think if everyone at that Christmas were able to go back and re-live it, we might like each other just that little bit more.
Q8. Did this past year go as expected for you? What do you anticipate this year?
My dad's preferred sport was squash, So growing up he always tried to get me to enjoy it and I never did, so I am surprised that now I do. I was pretty much set on the notion of spending Christmas with my family. However the closer it got to the date the more I wanted to fuck off and go to my partner's country instead. The decision was frustrating me so I fucked the decision off and committed. And I had never been one to think about my jobs or future, what I'm gunna do, things like that, so to be fixed on the idea of being a bloody coppa is a surprising and exciting notion. Overall, a few things happened that I didn't expect and looking back they were almost all positive.
Next year will be the first full year since I can remember where I won't be a student. Who knows what wacky adventures will occur, anything is possible, the only limit is my imagination.
Q9. What’s the worst pain you have ever felt?
When I was 13/14 I had sent a picture of my penis to what I was told was a transexual. They told me I should pull my foreskin back but other than that it looked alright. Taking this advice, I pulled my foreskin back, thought nothing of it and went to bed. When I awoke, I was surprised to find that my foreskin had stayed pulled back and swelling had occurred, preventing me from fixing the issue. The skin was so tight it had started to block the blood vessels around the tip of my penis. Embarrassed by the situation I went 2 days without telling anyone. I remember needing to wear my boxers the other way around so that I did not come into contact with the back of the buttons. Any contact was extremely painful, causing me to walk as if I had shit myself. Eventually telling my mum what had happened, I was taken to the GP. The GP tried to pull the foreskin over the swelling with the use of cream, however, this did nothing but make me yell out in pain. The GP then instructed me that I need to go to E&A to fix the issue as I was at risk of needing to be circumcised.
Once we arrived at E&A a nurse investigated the issue. Explaining that it was called a paraphimosis. Both the nurse and the Dr had tried to pull the foreskin back however this again was not a successful mission. Upon discussions of circumcision, a Jr Dr suggested that they put this cream on me and cover my penis in sugar. Apparently, this was something that has occasionally worked in American procedures. So, not wanting to be circumcised I opted for the sugar. They creamed me up, got a cookie jar of sugar and poured it over my special area, leaving a small snowing-looking mountain. After some morphine, it was time for the tug of war. They had removed the sugar; a nurse grabbed my hand and 3 other Drs/Nurses all tugged on my foreskin pulling it over the swelling. I squeezed the nurse’s hand as hard as I could and screamed out in pain. The sugar worked! I was left with a stretched sorry looking penis but alas, the circumcision was avoided. On the way back from the hospital I went to pizza hut with me dad and had 2 weeks off school. Result.
Q10. What Scares You?
Snakes.
Also losing the ability to communicate what I think. But mainly snakes.
Q11.At what point in your life were you the happiest you have ever been?
Of course, it didn't last forever and a fairly long low phase came afterwards but nonetheless, the feeling I had those 4-5 days is unforgettable. Loads of things have happened in my life which has made me happy but that's what was different about these 4-5 days, nothing was actively happening to cause happiness. I was completely content. Wanting and needing nothing. I was just completely and utterly content. Happy for happy sake.